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Idle Conversation
This is for conversation between Lis and various other characters while hanging out. Trey 'Radio' Trey: 'So, Lis amigo, you think much about what you're gonna do in the future? '''Lis: '''Well, I graduated. Now I guess I can sign up to be, like, an astronaut or brain surgeon or something. '''Trey: '''Ah, that's cool, always cool. I've been thinking the same thing, like, if the CIA compromises me here in town. '''Lis: '''What're you talking about? '''Trey: '''You know, like if one minute I'm chilling in my room sleeping and the next minute the CIA is roping out of helicopters, trying to kidnap me and take me to Guantanamo Bay. '''Lis: '''Alright, so in all hypothetical sense that happens, what've you got planned? '''Trey: '''Simple. Escape to Canada, go to broadcasting school, and work at a classic rock-slash-oldies station. '''Lis: '''Wh...what? What the fuck're you talking about? '''Trey: '''It's the perfect plan! One, the CIA won't think to look for me in Canada, second, I've been practicing my radio voice. Wanna hear it? '''Lis: '''Go for it. '''Trey: ' *Exaggerated Canadian accent* Good morning Montreal, that was "Kiss him Goodbye" by Steam, now we're gonna follow that up with a few commercials and bring you some more classic Neil Young, presented by the one and only Robbie Biemans. *Normal accent* How was that? 'Lis: '''Who the fuck is Robbie Biemans? '''Trey: '''My new identity. '''Lis: '''One, that's a fucking awful name, and second, don't you have to speak French to get by in Montreal? '''Trey: '''Je travaille là-dessus. ''*I'm working on it.* 'Lis: '''Jesus Christ. 'Allman Brothers Lis: Hey Trey. How's life? Trey: Pissed. Lis: Why? Trey: *Sighs* All my life, I grew up believing that Duane Allman got killed by a Peach Truck, but I looked it up online, and it turns out that he got killed by a lumber truck. Lis: '''Who the fuck is Duane Allman? '''Trey: Some guy in some old rock band from the '70s. But still, all my life, since I found that out, I feared peaches. I mean, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I just didn’t want to end up like Duane. Lis laughs a little Trey: What…what-what’s so funny? Lis: Go eat a fucking peach, Trey. 'Army' Lis: '''Trey, amigo, you ever think about going into the service? You know, with all your gun love and all that stuff. '''Trey: '''Yeah, once. For like, ten minutes after that recruiter came into woodshop class and talked to us about it. '''Lis: '''I remember that, you stayed after class to talk to him about it, right? '''Trey: '''Yeah, like, I'm talking to him about the army and I ask him if I could be a tank commander like my dad was. '''Lis: '''Yeah? '''Trey: '''Yeah, so he tells me "you have to go to tanker training after basic training and pass that and start as a gunner", right? '''Lis: '''Right? And? '''Trey: '''And me and him get in a big fight on starting as a commander, I tell him of my dad's proud combat experience, and I fucking left, like a badass motherfucker. '''Lis: '''But was that a good idea? '''Trey: '''What, not going into the army? '''Lis: '''No, pissing off a recruiter. I mean, fuck man, he could probably send a scud missile through your front door. '''Trey: ''*Panicked* What? ''Lis laughs Trey: 'Fuck you Lis, I thought you were legit! 'Fourth Wall Lis: 'Trey, amigo, I got this thing that's been eating at me and I'm wondering if your vast amount of paranormal knowledge could help out with it. '''Trey: '''Yeah. I-I mean, I could try but, yeah. '''Lis: '''Have you ever thought, in the big picture, we're nothing more than characters in a video game? '''Trey: '''Wh...what? '''Lis: '''You heard me, you ever think we're characters in a video game? '''Trey: '''That's...that's the stupidest, most fucking asinine theory I've ever heard, and believe me, I'm a fucking believer in Polybius- '''Lis: '''But think about it Trey, doesn't it kinda make sense? We're being controlled by a higher power, maybe. Like about a week ago, I was playing a MVT, right? '''Trey: '''Yeah? '''Lis: '''Yeah, so I got this bottle of pop next to me and, out of fucking nowhere, I pick it up and drink from it, even though I wasn't thirsty at all in the first place. '''Trey: '''That's fucking weird. Wait...hold up, you remember when we went over to Todd's house about a year ago and found Neil weeping over a fucking minivan commercial? '''Lis: '''Fuck...you know what? I think it's true, we are a fucking game. '''Trey: '''Yeah, maybe. But then again, who would play a game with us? Would you play a game about some teenagers in a small town in the midwest doing buttfuck nothing? '''Lis: '''Yeah...maybe you're right. Weird shit, though. '''Trey: '''Agreed. 'Patterns Lis: 'What's the good word, Trey amigo? '''Trey: '''94. '''Lis: '''94? '''Trey: '''Yes, 94. I've been looking into some stuff and all these crazy ass patterns came up. How many CIA operations does the general public know of? '''Lis: '''Enlighten me. '''Trey: '''94. How many scientists were involved in the MKULTRA project? 94. What's the highway that runs by here? I-94. How many pages of "Steal This Book" have I read so far? 94. Which part of the Air Force was our history teacher in? 94th Fighter Squadron- '''Lis: '''So the pattern is 94? '''Trey: '''Yep. Now, if my calculations are right, this means some major shit is gonna happen in 1994, but seeing as- '''Lis: '''We weren't born then- '''Trey: '''Exactly, so whatever big happened in 1994, we missed it by a year or so. '''Lis: '''What big stuff did happen in 1994? '''Trey: '''Fuck, beats me. 'Happy Hardcore Videos Trey: '''So, they were showing all these old music videos on the Music Channel the other night. '''Lis: '''Oh yeah? Anything of interest? '''Trey: '''No, just your typical new wave and grunge. '''Lis: '''No happy hardcore? '''Trey: '''Nope, Damn shame, really. Lots of good ones. '''Lis: '''You're damn right. Y'know the "Always Hardcore" one? Fucking guy crushes his buddy's car after he gets pissed at the, '''Trey: ''*Laughs* Hey-hey, you know the hippie one? Those three dudes fucking chase that hippie guy with them bigass hammers. '''Lis: '''What about Mosselman? '''Trey: '''Crazy motherfucker he is, having a stroke over mussels. '''Lis: '"Life is Like a Dance", though, that one's got a good beat. Trey: 'Oh yeah, that's right. Life is like-life is like a dance! '''Trey & Lis: '''Life is like-life is like a dance! ''Trey & Lis imitate the "high-high-low-high" beat of the song a few times before yelling/cheering 'Lis: '''Always hardcore, motherfucker! 'Dads Trey: 'Thanks for inviting me to hang, Lis amigo. My dad's been driving me up the wall. '''Lis: '''What's he doing? '''Trey: '''He keeps bugging me to look into the army and when I tell him I don't want to join the army, he's saying I'm doing a "disservice to my country". '''Lis: '''That sucks. You and your dad seem to be polar opposites. '''Trey: '''True. How about you and your dad? How do you two get along? '''Lis: '''Like a burning house. He keeps telling me to go to college and do something with my life, I tell him there's nothing that interests me in college. '''Trey: '''Didn't you want to be a singer when you were younger? '''Lis: '''I think around that same time, you wanted to be an astronaut and Todd wanted to be a clerk at a cell phone store. '''Trey: '''Shit, that's right. '''Lis: '''But yeah, parents are strange. '''Trey: '''Word. '''Lis: '''You know who's got awesome folks? '''Trey: '''Who? '''Lis: '''Todd. Man, Neil is one awesome guy, y'know? '''Trey: '''I remember he took all three of us to that model train show in Bismarck when we were younger. '''Lis: '''Yeah, and he lets us get soda pop from the store half off. '''Trey: '''Don't forget that bigass graduation party he did for us, got us that cake and everything. '''Lis: '''Yeah...man, I'd kill for a dad like Neil. 'Ex's Lis: 'Hey Trey amigo, hear from Sharon yet? '''Trey: '''No, not for a while. Why? '''Lis: '''Eh, no particular reason. Just trying to start up a talk and whatnot. '''Trey: '''Right, so, hear from Larry yet- '''Lis: '''Let's not go there. '''Trey: '''Alright, chill. But yeah, see how awkward it is, talking about ex's? '''Lis: '''Difference being was that one, Larry was a Neo-Nazi, and two, we actually slept together. How far did you get with Sharon? '''Trey: '''We slept together, once. '''Lis: '''Really? '''Trey: '''Yeah. '''Lis: '''When? '''Trey: '''Like, about a month or so before she broke up with me. Crazy shit. She was all like "Trey, can you drive me to Bismarck so I can go to the mall?" and I'm all like "Drive yourself there you lazy cunt"-well, I didn't really say that, but if I saw her now, I'd say that. But long story short, she sleeps with me to get me to take her to the mall, first fuck at seventeen, feels good amigo, she ends up breaking up with me regardless. '''Lis: '''Why'd she do that? '''Trey: '''Something about not lasting long enough, whatever that is. '''Lis: '''Eh, don't worry about it Trey amigo. You could do a lot better than some shitty goth weaboo chick. '''Trey: '''But Lis, how many girls here do I know, aside from you, and you won't even want to date me because you hate me or something- '''Lis: '''It's not that I hate you, it's because you're a conspiracy nutter. If we do go out and if we do move in together, I don't want to have to put in a keycode just to enter our own house and put on a gasmask just to get the mail- '''Trey: '''That was never proven- '''Lis: '''The neighbor's security tape got you on it- '''Trey: '''It was during that swine flu hype! Todd 'Masturbation Todd: Lis, amigo. Lis: Todd, my amigo. Todd: Do you remember the first time you masturbated- Lis: What? Todd: Yea amigo, and it’s like, when you cum, it feels like the whole world slows down, your hair goes back, your eyes go back into their sockets, and you can't tell if you're coming or going. Lis: Uh…I don't remember. Todd: Shit, really? Lis: '''Todd, a majority of my teenage years revolved around spending time with you and Trey. Frankly, I could care less about getting myself off. '''Todd: But do you? Lis: What? Todd: I mean, do you masturbate? Lis: What the kind of question is that? Todd: It’s a legitimate question, amigo to amigo. Lis: 'What the fuck kind of question is that!? '''Todd: '''Jesus Christ, you’re fucking cynical. 'Panama War Games Todd: Hey, Lis? Lis: Yea? Todd: Anyway, Uncle Neil was talking to me about his army stuff Lis: Yea, what about it? Todd: Nothing, nothing. Anyway, he was comparing the war to the video games we play and he told me something. Lis: What'd he tell you? Todd: There’s been no Panama War video game. Lis: Really? Todd: Yea. And from what I see, they’ve got a shitload of World War Two, Vietnam, and Alien war games, but not a single one on the Panama War. Lis: What about World War One- Todd: Nobody cares about World War One. Lis: Well, I guess that being said, uh, nobody really cares about the Panama war. Todd: You really think that? Lis: Well it didn't really affect anybody outside of Panama.. Todd: I guess. 'Breathing' Lis: '''Hey Todd, how does it? '''Todd: '''Ya know Lis, I've been thinking about something that's been really bothering me. '''Lis: '''What, you got your hand stuck in the toaster again? '''Todd: '''No, not that. I've been thinking about breathing. '''Lis: '''What about it? '''Todd: '''How we breathe. I learned how to talk, I learned how to drive, but never once did I learn to breathe. Isn't that weird? '''Lis: '''Yeah, I can't remember learning to breathe either. Same with blinking, or crying. I guess it's one of those odd things we're born with- '''Todd: ''*Interrupting* Yeah, we were learning about that in school, remember? Isn't that called "menopause" or something? '''Lis: '''No, uh...hereditary? '''Todd: '''Omnivore? '''Lis: '''Eh...something scientific like that. 'Facial Hair' '''Todd: '''If you had a choice, what kind of facial hair would you have? '''Lis: '''Preferably none. Why? '''Todd: '''Because I just noticed Uncle Neil has a mustache, Trey's trying to grow that mustache, and I'm getting this beard thing going on, you just need some facial hair and we've got a 1970's action flick. '''Lis: '''I'm not sure if I could picture myself with facial hair, or even get used to it. It looks too...hairy, and stuff. '''Todd: '''But if you could choose any, any, and any facial hair ever, in the history of facial hair, what would it be? '''Lis: '''Eh...lemme think- '''Todd: '''Five seconds, go! '''Lis: '''Sideburns, there we go. '''Todd: '''Sideburns? '''Lis: '''Yeah, like Mungo Jerry or Mongol Jerry, whatever the fuck his name is. '''Todd: '''Those're some crazy sideburns. '''Lis: '''I agree. 'Florida' '''Todd: '''Lis, why do all the weird people come from Florida? '''Lis: '''I dunno, what makes you think that? '''Todd: '''I found this website about regular daily Florida news. Just last week, there were guys who got arrested for exposing himself at an Italian restaurant, cooking meth in a library, selling assault rifles in a truck stop bathroom, and force feeding rocks to autistic people. '''Lis: '''Is that the same guy? '''Todd: '''No, different ones. '''Lis: '''Ah. I wouldn't know since I haven't been to Florida ever. I heard it's hot and I hate the hot. '''Todd: '''I hate it too. But still, it's a bit odd how all the strange news comes from there. '''Lis: '''Don't you remember that guy a few years ago here who tried to sue God over an "Act of God" that ripped his trailer out of the ground? '''Todd: '''Fuck...yeah, I remember him. What ever happened to him? '''Lis: '''I think he either faded into obscurity or died. '''Todd: '''What if he died obscurely? '''Lis: '''Like, getting hit by a train going through a parking lot in Miami? '''Todd: '''Yeah! Yeah, just like that! 'Anime' '''Lis: '''How you doing, Todd amigo? '''Todd: '''Doing swell. How about you? '''Lis: '''Fine. '''Todd: '''So I was watching that anime block that comes on around midnight, right? And I catch the end of this anime show about drift racing and there was fucking eurobeat everywhere- '''Lis: '"Wangan X"? Todd: 'Yeah, something like that. You're familiar? '''Lis: '''Used to be. '''Todd: '''Oh yeah, that anime phase you went through. Anyway, so I'm watching this show, and I'm thinking, why do all the Japanese people look white? '''Lis: '''Uh...y'know, that's a good question. I dunno, maybe it has to do something about America taking over after the second world war? '''Todd: '''Maybe. Uncle Neil told me they don't even have an army. '''Lis: '''Yeah, God help them when the North Koreans go to invade. 'Birds Todd: '''So I saw a bird today. '''Lis: '''Oh yeah? '''Todd: '''Yeah. Two of them as a matter of fact. '''Lis: '''What kind of birds were they? Robins? Blue Jays? '''Todd: '''I don't know, but they were mean birds. '''Lis: '''What'd they do? '''Todd: '''So this one bird was sitting on top of Uncle Neil's truck and this other bird flies up to it, and the one that was already there is all like "where were you?" and the other one says "I was at the bar with my friends from work". A few minutes later, it escalated to "Shut your filthy whore mouth" and "You're tearing this family apart" and then they two flew away together. '''Lis: '''Uh...fuck, Todd. That's...dark. I mean, I'd expect Trey to say something like that but coming from you, damn. '''Todd: '''Something wrong? '''Lis: '''No-no, just the idea, you're finally venting Todd. '''Todd: '''Venting? '''Lis: '''Yes, venting. You're finally venting all the problems you had with your parents and stuff, now you can move on and be a cleaner, healthier Todd. '''Todd: '''What was I venting- '''Lis: ''*Interrupting Todd* Good for you, Todd! 'Dad Rock' '''Todd: '''Lis? '''Lis: '''Yo? '''Todd: '''Do you like rock? '''Lis: '''Eh...some. You know I'm more into happy hardcore, gabber, that stuff. '''Todd: '''Yeah, but what about rock? '''Lis: '''Dad Rock I can tolerate. '''Todd: '''Dad Rock? '''Lis: '''Yeah, you know the ones. The stuff your dad-Uncle...dad or uncle listens to a lot. The kind you're so exposed to you can tolerate. '''Todd: '''Ah, okay. What kind of...uh...dad-slash-uncle rock do you like? '''Lis: '''Ostrock. It's a funny thing, my dad was from East Berlin but my mom was from Essen, but long story short, they got all this good stuff from there. "City", "Puhdys". and one of my favorite bands, "Berluc". '''Todd: '''That's cool, I like what my Uncle Neil likes too, especially that Neil Young guy. I like this one song he does about going down to the river and shooting your wife, he calls it "down by the river". '''Lis: '''Oh...eh...anyway, this one song I really really like from Berluc is "Glaube an Dich", especially the part when the vocals come on. ''*Singing to the tune of "Glaube an Dich"* ''Glaube an dich, Glaube an die Wahrheit! ''Lis starts scat singing the synthesizer solo to the song as Todd slowly joins in. After Todd joins in, Lis stops singing '''Lis: '''Alright, that's enough dad rock for today.